Her salary is 3x more than mine. Help!

Help?

I don’t think you need it. You need to ask yourself why you’re asking for it.

What’s so bad about your woman earning more than you? You should push her to make more. Think about it. Your partner providing most of the finances shouldn’t shift the dynamics of the relationship. She will respect you and her love for you won’t change. What about you. What do you bring to the table?

Ask yourself that question and ponder on it for a few moments.

Women like money, but don’t let that be the only thing you’re good at getting.

When you think about it… it’s the way we were raised right? We should earn the most and be the head of the house. That’s all we’re told. And that’s the problem: that’s all we’re told.

Can you cook? Wash dishes? Clean the bathroom? Change the bed sheets? Hang the washed clothes on the line to dry? Pick up a hoover and vacuum the living room? Dust unreachable areas in the house? Are you tired of just reading those? My friend, you have a lot of work to do…

I’m not being harsh. I don’t want you to just be useful in one avenue. That’s how I was raised.

If my mum travels, she never has to worry about the maintenance of the house because she knows I have it covered. From bills to making sure the siblings eat a variety of meals.

What happens when she falls ill to the point she’s bed bound for a few weeks? If you can’t maintain the house, don’t take time off from work as you’ll waste your annual leave on being useless.

Hear me out bro.

If you’re genuinely happy her salary is more, you won’t compete to have a higher one. You’ll be motivated to work as hard as her. You will praise her for being a hardworking individual.

Okay, but what can I do because I don’t feel helpful. I’ll tell you a few things:

  • Do you manage money better? Offer to regulate finances. Putting yourself in this position shows you care about the future of your family.
  • Are you a good listener? Do you spend time to listen to her long day at work? What about her period pains? Have you invested in a snack box that is only available during the craving season per period cycle?
  • Have you invested in her side hustle? By this, have you tried to network with individuals who have information to benefit her? Provided opinions on her logo, business plan, mission statement, body of work etc.?
  • What new information have you learned that will add value to your woman? What’s going on in the news? Trade/stock prices? What to invest in. Different types of ISAs. Government regulations. Not buying items at full price.

I provided those four as those are things you can do right now.

Women are tired of men who are intimidated by something as small as having less earnings. Don’t be that guy.

Honestly. As a man, invest in yourself.

Make yourself resourceful. Skilful. Become useful in many areas.

Your woman may not say it, but her body language will tell you a spare hand in some instances in life makes the burden light.

Thank you for attending my TED talk.

 

 

P . S .

My intention wasn’t to attack/trigger men. We need to wake up and understand we aren’t living in the olden days of women doing everything in the house and we just bring the money and that’s it. It doesn’t work like that in this century.

This is a subjective post and may not relate to every relationship. 

Size doesn’t matter, bro.

The end. See you in 2020.

Haha but seriously…  why do we think it does? Why does the size of our penis determine how much of a man we are? How did we get there? I don’t remember this ever being a point of discussion when I was 8 years old. I cared about toys, games, Manchester United, TV shows and McDonald’s.

Pause.

Spare a minute and ask yourself that question.

I know what caused it.

pornography

It seeped in my life at a young age, the time when I started going through puberty. My innocent eyes embarked upon well-endowed males having sex with women who look like they’re enjoying it. I was confused as sex was foreign to me, my parents did a good job protecting me. After watching a few videos, I looked at myself. I thought:

my penis compared to his can never satisfy a womanLook at her expressions man, sigh.

I’m still a virgin until I’m married (amen!), so how could I be thinking like this? Not having the experience of sex obliterated any idea that:

pornography can’t be real, it has to be real.

I was never upset or concerned about my penis size in early stages of life, not until I watched hours upon hours of pornography every week. It rewired my brain. Images of men who looked younger than me were performing sex on women double their age – it frazzled my mind. Me, who was once happy about his size, was now worried it wouldn’t do anything as if I’ve had a lot of sex and in return received feedback! I obsessed over having a penis as long as my arm. The penis enlargement ads on porn sites looked more attractive every week. But something became off to me recently… very off.

To have eternal happiness because I have an elephant’s trunk in my size small boxers? That doesn’t sound right. Because I realised it isn’t the size that matters…

it was people’s opinions.

I looked at comments from people who watched the same porn videos as me. It affected me. My thinking became staggered. Every person talked about how the male performer’s penis was:

  • perfect, the ideal size
  • maintained to have an erection for a long time without going soft
  • enough to penetrate the vagina like a master because the size made it possible to have sex in multiple ways

I allowed those comments to be apart of my identity. It was the driving force of how I looked at women differently.

I had to stop, think, and ask myself if life is centred around my penis. Would I die because it’s not as well-endowed as everyone else I see in porn?

I won’t.

And you won’t as you.

It doesn’t matter what your family, ex’s, strangers, associates or friends say about yours. They aren’t the one living with your penis. You are.

Just look at the points I previously discussed. Next to it is how porn is manipulated:

  1. perfect, the ideal size. – No (in some cases). Camera angles, women constantly mentioning how big it is during penetration, close ups and shaving the pubic area make it look bigger than you think.
  2. maintained to have an erection for a long time without going soft – Viagra is your answer. Because most men treat porn as a job, it’s not the articulate body or sexy appeal of a woman that turns them on. I was shocked too.
  3. enough to penetrate the vagina like a master because the size made it possible to have sex in multiple ways – You as the man should explore the woman’s body to find what makes her tick (with consent). What are her g-spots? It’s more than just the clitoris…

I know right? Just like Hollywood movies: they aren’t real.

Pornography studios have mastered the art of deception to those unwilling to separate fake from reality. It took me a long time. But I got there.

Lastly. Some advice from me to you:

Don’t buy into those self-sabotaging penis enlargement products and services – you’re doing more harm for your health than good. Be happy in your own skin. Think happy thoughts in your past when you never thought about your penis size. I understand it cannot just tick like a switch. It will take time.

I’m still struggling, but I’m edging closer to victory everyday I live. What helps me is replacing time dedicated to porn with something different. Playing your favourite game or reading great novels. My best friend keeps me accountable too. Don’t be afraid to tell your closest friend, they will respect you more than you think!

If you want to speak anonymously about your story to me, please feel free to use the Contact Form and I’ll get back to you.

I hope this blessed you.

Peace.

Femi

 

Part 2, perhaps…?

 

Sources: Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson, https://www.vogue.com/article/breathless-karley-sciortino-viagra

Start your goals now

Right?

Unless you have a legitimate reason for starting later – why don’t you stop reading this and start now?

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.

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You didn’t stop, did you? Why? Or maybe you’re reading this whilst Netflix is on (wow, thank you!). But that’s a bad habit you need to break.

The real truth is that most of us are too scared to take that first step. It’s daunting. I know that feeling. I consistently set a reminder for something I know I can do now, for tomorrow. It’s really bad. I’m robbing tomorrow’s time for today – what could be completed now I’m invalidating it with something else not worth the time! 

–  Okay Femi. How can I start now?

Simple. Read the second sentence from the top.

–  It’s not that easy!

Right, I got you. You should break down your goal(s) into smaller goals so it’s less daunting and more easier for you to start. For example:

  1. Instead of writing “Lose weight” as it’s very broad, write something like “Lose 6kg over 6 months by cardio/HIIT training beginning December 28th” as you can measure your progress every month to lose 1kg (realistically). You’ve put how you’d do it and when to accomplish it by.
  2. Another one can be “Read 15 books by end of 2019”. Instead, what genre will you want to read? Theology books take longer to read as the information is more substantial. How long does it take you to read a book? How much time can you spare reading a day? When you’ve worked this out, you can set something you can reach.

The more planned out your goals are, the more chance you have of going after it. Why? You know what you want, how you’re going to accomplish it and how you’ll measure it. Go as far as adding how you’d get out your comfort zone. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I did learn something in school: they need to be SMART targets.

It’s good to plan, don’t spend so much time doing it that you use it as escapism to dodge what you want to do (I’m guilty of this). Find a balance. Spend enough time making sure it’s what you want. You’d end up being the thinker and not the doer.

Lastly, keep your goal list short. It does feel like a heavy weight having something as cumbersome as 20 goals but if you love that thrill and have been excelling in long lists then go for it! I have 6 – I’ve started on 2.

Happy new year 🙏🏾, and I want to hear at the end of 2019 how you conquered your goals! Even if it’s just one, one is better than zero.

And to all my readers such as yourself reading this, thank you so much for reading my blogs. If there’s anything I can improve on, or something you want me to talk about, hit up my contact page and I’ll get back to you. More consistent and quality posts in 2019! Let’s go.

Everything is a lie…

…on social media. Just like the title… clickbait!

What am I referring to? Everything! What, even on Facebook? Yes! You name it: news, pictures, videos, comments… the list is endless. You have to be so cautious nowadays because you end up mixing truth with lies.

Why is this a problem? I’ll tell you: social media wants flawlessness in a flawed world.

Okay, before you shoot me: There is good social media (I think I’ll write a post on that). For example, communicating with friends any time of the day at the luxury of your hands? Amazing! But this post refers to those specifically trying to kill themselves over the number of interactions they get + struggling with their identity.

Let me break down the last sentence for you. From my own research + what I’ve received from many people in various meetings, there is the perfect man ideology that exists on social media. More so on Instagram. What is it you say? I can’t pinpoint all but here’s a few based on opinions of others:

  • 4/6/8 pack
  • Buttery smooth skin or rough with a non-patchy beard
  • 6ft+ in height
  • Ripped, bulky or slim, max. 17% body fat
  • Size UK 10/US 11 shoe size or above
  • Well endowed
  • Minimum can do one: sing/dance/act
  • Great network (friends & pictures with celebrities, investors, motivational speakers etc.)
  • Expensive clothing rarely repeating what’s worn per post (whereby it being subtle or abstract)
  • 100,000+ followers… (debatable though, some women prefer if men aren’t online at all)

Now, does the common man have all the above? Well, I know I don’t. But I’m okay with that and I’ll tell you why.

I have a choice.

I can choose to be upset that those men exist online, I can choose to live up to someone else’s expectation of a man, or I can choose to live my life. I can’t allow 2D images of someone I’ve never seen in my life dictate the way I live. Even if I knew them personally, I’d want to be happy for them but learn not to be envious.

Remember, every woman has a different opinion of who their ideal mate is. It will be you, and it other times it won’t be you.

Side note: women will like you for YOU. It’s not a trap bro. Surprised? Don’t be! So stop flexing if that’s not you!

I personally choose not to indulge myself in people’s lifestyle opposite to mine (by constantly watching their stories, liking, commenting and overall engaging) as it did affect me. I was worried more about the engagement of my content than the quality of itThis is one of many ways it can lead to depression.

Moral of the story: find your identity in what you love doing. Be the best at it and you will attract organic engagement. You don’t need to buy likes to pretend you’re something your not. One person reached out to me on LinkedIn (of all social medias!) just to say I’m their biggest fan. That one person made my day. If that can happen to simple young me, it can to you.

I hope you learn’t something.

Part 2, perhaps? Who knows…

#Movember2018

Boy, am I glad I can participate in this? I’ve waited years for this opportune time. My uni friends are probably throwing a party that I can finally shave something on my face. How nice of them…

What is Movember you ask? Started in 2003, it was created to raise awareness for men’s issues in health; such as prostate cancer, testicular cancer, and men’s suicide.

Look at this: did you know that men account for 3/4 suicides in the UK? So for every 4 suicides, 3 of them are male. Wow. Let that sink in.

Okay, so what will I do? I’ll be growing out my moustache as if it would even grow and run a total of 60km over the month in order to raise money for Movember. If you could donate as little as £1, that goes a long way and I would appreciate it honestly.

You can donate by clicking here

All the money raised will be put back into running Movember every year, investing in services to help men in all areas listed above.

I will follow up on December 1st to post the results and see if I’ve met the target. Let’s go!

We always say we want to do something, let’s actually do it instead of talk about it.

A new beginning starts with you

It doesn’t start in the new year. It starts whenever you want it to start.

You can do something about it right now as you read this, or in 20 years time – your choice.

Write what you want to do, then decide when you want to do it.

However as a guy, it feels difficult to determine when to start anything. I’ll tell you why:

Society has a lovely way of analysing male behaviour especially social media don’t get me started. If you have a plan but take too long to execute it, we are labelled the following:

  • wuss
  • scared
  • not man enough

Similarly, if you have a plan and jump into it quickly, we hear:

  • “you didn’t plan enough, this might not work”
  • “fail to plan? You planned to fail”

But did you notice something? The ones who complain about YOU starting something quickly (or starting something in the first place) are usually the ones who are in the planning stages for a long time almost seeming like eternity. If I had to be honest, those people contain bad energy and drink envy to quench it.

I’ve started so many things since secondary school; created my own t-shirts, printed hoodies, sold merchandise on eBay like luxury belts and trainers, did photography, made YouTube videos don’t ask for the link, acting and now this blog. If I had listened to those people above, this blog would cease to exist.

How did I do the above? I had good people around me who pushed me. How to find good people? Watch how they speak about others. If it’s more bad than good, stay away. If it’s the opposite, stay close.

What am I saying in a nut-shell? Listen to yourself. Trust when YOU think it’s best to execute the ideas you have. Our circumstances are so different that it doesn’t make sense to compare your plans with mine. We are different!

On my way home in a cab, the driver told me something I’ll never forget: Son, it doesn’t matter what you do in life, people will always have something to complain about.

Bless and peace

Femi.